Jersey Snob

I'm a very picky person when it comes to which players jerseys I buy.  I try to avoid any flash in the pan types, make sure the player is good, and make sure they're sticking around for a while.  I also usually avoid the most popular jerseys on the team.  I think it's the hipster in me, so I can say "I liked him before it was cool," or something.  It's also fun to find those jerseys several years later after the player's career has played out, and get a good laugh.  Having said all of this, one thing I am very guilty of is judging a book by it's cover when I see someone in a player jersey.  Based on who you're wearing - and when - I will come to immediate conclusions based on that jersey.  Here's an incomplete breakdown that will attempt to rationalize my reasoning.  This list will encompass jerseys I've actually seen.

Tony Romo - This person is completely delusional.  They probably believe in horoscopes, fortune tellers, and vaccinations causing ADD.  Facts won't dissuade this person no matter what.

More fun to post a picture of Mrs. Tony Romo, Candice Crawford, then Romo himself.

Matt Elam - Anyone who owns a non-Vinatieri kicker jersey is a crazy die hard fan of their team.  Not only does it take stones to sport a kicker jersey in public, there is usually a fantastic story behind why they own this jersey.  (Seriously, the girl I met who had this was hysterical.  I asked her out because of this jersey.  It.... didn't go well after that, but the jersey story was funny)

Aaron Brooks - This person liked the Saints before all the "Who dat" mania, and was proud to sport the jersey of a horrendously bad player in support of their team.  Love ya Matt, but I gave you a lot of grief for owning this one, and it was well warranted.  You got your title though, so props.

The look of a winner.

Tom Brady/Kobe Bryant/LeBron James - A post championship bandwagon fan who got the jersey because the player is good, not because they're supporting a team or actually care about how they do.  Obviously, if you live in New England/LA/Miami you are exempt from this application, but as I have not seen those jerseys there, it applies.  You bastards know who you are...

Matt Flynn - You are a sad, sad man.  Your life did not work out the way you thought it would.  Nothing ever goes to plan.  You thought this was a great idea, you even paid for rush shipping to have it before the first preseason game.  Because that's the only time you got to see him play.  People tend to feel really sorry for you.  Or, if you're me, they laugh at your misfortune in having paid way too much money for this jersey.  And yes, it was a Seahawks Flynn jersey I saw.

No matter what happens to him, Matt Flynn comes home to her.  Don't feel bad for him.

Ben Rothlisberger - You are a Steelers fan, but you don't follow the team or any news about them.  So the word "fan" is applied here loosely.  The guy I met with this one... oof.  I've talked to several Steelers fans, and they all hate this guy, so if you really follow the team, you don't wear this.

Tyrannic War Veteran - Yes, this was real.  It was a custom Vikings jersey worn by an absolute jackass of a man.  The nerdity it oozes you can smell from a mile away, and given that when I saw this it was clearly an old jersey based on how faded it was, it made me hang my head that much more.  Of course, the head hanging occurred after a healthy bout of laughter, me rolling on the floor, and me asking other people around me, loudly, "Does that say what I think it says?"  I kinda tore into this guy, but he really was a dick, so with that jersey I didn't feel bad in the slightest.

Now, while I have made fun of lots of jerseys I've seen in person, I feel it is only fair that I talk about the jerseys I own, why I bought them, and what I think they say about me when I wear them.

Russel Wilson - While I bought it before last season, when I wore it it said "Haha, there's a delusional Seahawks fan."  After the Superbowl, it was "Pfft, bandwagon fan."  Now that I'm back here, it's "Hey, he's one of us."  So I'll take it.

Earl Thomas - Most people don't know all the members of the Legion of Boom outside of the state, so I got lots of "Who's that?" when I wore this in Texas.  Which honestly was surprising since he's from Texas.  To me, this became similar to the Aaron Rogers situation listed above.  Except I bought this specifically because I knew he was the second coming of Ed Reed.  So it has less potential for "haha, you own that jersey" then Brooks.

Love me some Earl.

Lofa Tatupu - I bought this prior Superbowl XL.  I don't talk about that much.  I thought he was Urlacher 2.0.  I was wrong.  Still good for a laugh.

Ichiro - Came to the M's in 2001, and while everyone doubted the impact he would have, I did my homework and saw his career with the Orix Blue Wave and got really, really excited.  I got this jersey that year, and it's still fun to bust it out every now and then.  This one has some hipster in me coming out, because I totally bought it before he was cool.

Raul Ibanez - The immortal ballplayer, the wayward son who has come back to the M's twice before, I loved yelling "Rauuuuuuuuul" at games, including when I went to Yankee Stadium.  I got significantly quieter when he made a pretty horrible throwing error.

And now.... the truly horrible jerseys I own that make people grimace when I pull them out.

J.J. Putz - He had a great year as a closer.  I bought the jersey.  It never happened again.  I've worn this several times, knowing that the name Putz on my back was very appropriate.

Koren Robinson - It was on sale.  No other excuse.

Good ol' K-Drop.